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Episode 13: Life Sucks the Bloated Gonads of a Yak in Heat

by: Gurbir

It's the next morning. We're in a local watering hole. Hiscock is sitting and contemplating the events of his life since joining Jehovah's Wetness. He comes to a conclusion..his life sucks the bloated gonads of a yak in heat.

HHH (slurred) : Enough is enough..and it's time for a change!! WHOOO!!

In classic rock star tradition, HHH stumbles to his hotel room. Along the way, he insults just about everyone he sees, mistakes a girl scout for a urinal, and pukes in a parked convertible. He gets to the hotel room, and passes out. He wakes up that night, and sees an envelope lying on his bed. He opens it, and reads the letter.

“Be at the Twisted Blister tonight. 9:45” <fade out>

<fade in> It's after a performance, and HHH hurries out of the arena to the Twisted Blister. He sits down in a secluded corner of the bar, and lights up a russian cigarette. Billie Holiday is piped in off an old LP (side note : listening to Portishead while writing a bar scene early in the morning is a trip & a half). A woman sits down beside him. She is wearing a trenchcoat and a hat. The dark lighting of the bar, and the shade of the hat cloud features.

Mysterious Lady : You don't have much time.

HHH : Your place or mine.

ML : What?

HHH : Nothing.

ML : There are forces at work that you are completely unaware of. You are a pawn in a global game of chess. But you're a pawn that's on the verge of becoming a queen.

HHH : Is that what happened to Laya?

ML : Who?

HHH : Laya Hirkunt. She's the makeup artist for my group. I woke up one morning and thought she was a guygirl, and then the next day, she was a girl again.

ML : Hmm..I see. Mr. can't trust anyone or anything right now.

HHH : What are you talking about?

ML : OK..listen to me. You were abducted about 2 weeks ago. Your captors were men of great power. While in their control, you were experimented on, and subjected to drug treatments,

HHH : Yeah baby..I smoked a big fat cannon with Biggie. I remember that…well..I remember not remembering it..

ML : Idiot!! That's not what I was talking about. Biggie Balls was one of our counteragents. He was trying to help you out by warning you about Laya.

HHH : Yeah..she had some kind of VD..gonhorrea, I think.

ML : Violent disposition., idiot!!

HHH : Oh..that's right. Anyway, what's this about Hiscock & Balls?

ML : He was an agent of ours, and he was trying to warn you about what's going on. He was killed by their top assassin…Muff Daddy.

HHH : Muff Daddy…why?

ML : He can now take over Biggie's music empire, and gain public acclaim & sympathy.

HHH : I see..and what does this have to do with Laya.

ML : Laya was an agent of theirs. He disguised himself as a makeup artist. You just happened to catch him in the shower and uncovered his secret. At this point, the other agents moved in and fed you the fake story about an attempt on your life. Shooting Balls was done in part to reinforce their story.

HHH : What about what happened in the hotel room? Was that real?

ML : No..that was a planted memory.

HHH : Yeah..Laya did have great mammaries.

ML : Idiot!!

HHH : Stop calling me that. Who are you. What's your name. Why are you telling me this.

ML : I'm doing this for two reasons. One : to clarify what's been going on. Everything got all muddled the last few episodes..err..days. The other reason is to warn you about events to come.

HHH : So..what do I do now. Who do I trust.

ML : go bang all the skins you can get a hold of. Pretend that nothing is going on. Keep an eye out. Ballzupyahooza is more than it seems.

HHH : With a name like that, it has to be.

ML : I'll be watching you. We'll talk again. Along the way, you'll also meet more of our agents. You will know them by our call sign…(she sticks out the two fingers of her hand, and turns it sideways, and makes a back & forth motion)

HHH returns the action, as ML lets out a brief sigh.

HHH goes back to the hotel room and lies in bed thinking about what he's been told.

Next: This Sucks so Much I can Toss my Own Salad

s02/episode13.txt · Last modified: 2020/10/26 20:44 by marc