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Episode 2: Dike Visits from Montreal

by: Junior

In the previous episode, Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick discover that Hiscock is alive at the Mamorial Hopsital in Los Angeles (the US for-profit healthcare system affords many opportunities for low-brow humour). After some time to convalesce, the trio make their way back to Ottawa. Hiscock has decided to return to his Law practice with a new partner: Phil McCracken. While running some errands with his Irish mates, discussing how they will make the law offices better than ever, a man bumps into them seemingly while running from the police:

PF: Slow down there boyo, there's no need to rush that way. You almost ran over Hiscock.

Runner: Hiscock must be hanging pretty low right now if I almost trampled on him.

HH: I may seem low right now but I'm in the process of re-erecting my firm. Why are you running from the cops?

Runner: You're a lawyer?!? You may be able to help me then. I'm Daryl Dike (DD), I play for the Montreal Impact. I was visiting some friends in Ottawa when some asshole dentist accused me of burning down some place called Pink's. I didn't know what to do so I ran.

GF: Shite! Pink's burned down!?!

DD: Can you help me?!?

HH: [Handing him a business card] Take this, call me when you get to the station. I'll come, then make my way over there and we can figure out a strategy to get you of the sticky mess.

DD: [Reading the business card] Bradley, Hiscock and McCracken! I've heard of you, don't you usually handle testiments (NOTE: this typo is intentional)?!? How the fuck does this help me?!?

PF: Just call the number when you get to the cop shop! Hiscock will stand right up and come. [muttering under his breath] I can't believe that Pink's is a burning pile of rubble.

The cops arrive and forcibly insert themselves between Hiscock and Dike.

GF: Hold up there copper, don't be puttin' your hands on Hiscock or you an me are gonna have a go.

Cop: [reaching for his baton] What the fuck are you accusing me of exactly?

PF: [Filming with his cell phone] Easy there flatfoot, you don't want to be seen beating Hiscock and his mates all over Assbook!

HH: That's Facebook Patrick!

PF: Fack! Whatever! I think he got the point.

Cop: [Puts his baton back into its holster and proceed to direct Dike into a waiting patrol car]

After providing a statement, and identifying themselves as Dike's legal representation, the trio make their way back to their law offices. Upon arrival, they do some digging to find out all that the could about Pink's and its apparent demise.

PF: Yo Harry, says here that the current owner of the flaming pile of rubble is a Dr. Gaylord Muffdvr, D.D.S. Something feels off about all of this.

HH: Well there isn't much we can do at the moment besides wait for that Dike to call. Until then, let's figure out all we can about the chain of custody of that establishment. I can't shake the feeling that there is some sort of connection to Ivana Pukecauseyourgodawfuluglysostayawayfrommeyoufuckinguglywhore.

Next: Muffdvr v. Dike

s03/episode2.txt · Last modified: 2020/11/02 12:17 by junior